false alarm. still invincible.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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