You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
