Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
