:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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