:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
