i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.