We're like a lot better than the average bears
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family