You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.