and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.