Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.