I hate all girls vehemently.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
