He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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