Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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