New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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