i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
