wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
