Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were trust falling into bushes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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