he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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