The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
