i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
