Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
