i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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