So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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