Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
