I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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