I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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