i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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