my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
