I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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