I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
