I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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