Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I love you. Go after that dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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