Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
