how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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