Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
