I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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