I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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