I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will pee on everything he values.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
