Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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