just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
