Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
