I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
