Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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