How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
