my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
