I look better un-naked...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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