i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
