Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
