Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
