S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
