he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
