I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
