3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
