That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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