____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
