I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
