i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
