Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
