I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
