did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
