As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
