I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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