oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
