according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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