The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
