sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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