i love accidental penises.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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