I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
