All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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