The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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