After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
