i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
