That's when you crack a 10am beer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
