i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
