i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
