Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
