omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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