Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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