Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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