i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
