the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
