My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
